Wednesday, July 13, 2011

The pool house has a new resident

Meet Ralphie the raccoon. our resident poolhouse critter. last week i was doing my poolside duties and getting a tube to float in and when i walked in the door i saw a ball of fur and it turned out to be ralphie. after much debate and "omg dont bring out your effing 22" screaming at the lawn/pool guy i decided to call in reinforcements. we'll call him C and he is the source of all heartache in my life and yes is still around....even though the other woman is still around. hey i never said it wasn't complicated. so i call C and say, well scream:


and then silence and then eruption of laughter. i tell the man he is no funny and he needs to come get the raccoon out because other wise paul (pool and lawn guy) will bring out his 22 and then i`ll cry and no one is going to win. so C comes over, puts on the thickest gloves i have ever seen, the man farms and has weird shit k, anywho he goes in reaches down to the raccoon and the poor thing starts crying. so of course i yell: STOPYOUAREGOINGTOSCARETHESHITRIGHTOUTOFHIM!, i mean honestly raccoon shit is the last thing i needed on a sunny monday morning. sooo then we stood there, me frantic, C annoyed and ralphie almost shitting himself. clearly a big burly man going in to get him wasnt going to work. and then i started contemplating if we could even just pick him up and once we did wtf were we going to do with him. so i sent C on a wild goose chase, or rather raccoon chase. i made him check the trees on the side of the property for a mama raccoon because in previous years there have been babies in certain trees and where there are babies there is a mama. and low and behold C found a raccoon family. now we just had to figure out how to get ralphie from point A to point B. C pointed out that ralphie was calm when i was near him and by near i mean 2 feet away and that maybe i should try picking him up. to which i yelled: ARYOUEFFINGCRAZYNOWIWILLSHITMYSELF! to which C responded no you wont babe and then put the thickest gloves of life on my hands. and so in i went with C close behind with the pool skimmer as a weapon just in case. to my shock and surprise ralphie let me pick him up and we walked all the way to the property sideline and i placed him at the bottom of the tree where he shit himself of course and then just sat there. C and i stood back and 20 minutes later the mama raccoon came out of the tree and got ralphie. it was cute.

i survived, ralphie survived and for those wondering C`s eardrums are intact. and might i add that ralphie was damn cute. all i have are the above pics taken with my BB. he`s adorable!

xo Laura

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